If Sam Had Cancer
by Ghanaperu
Summary: "If Sam had cancer, he would ask Dean to let him die quietly. Sammy, being the younger brother, would finagle promises out of Dean and without even realizing it Dean would wake up one day and discover that his brother was dying and he had agreed not to stop it. It would be shocking, shocking and devastating and supremely unacceptable." A hypothetical AU.


**AN - Warnings for strange and random storyline ahead. I don't know what this is, but since I wrote it I figured I might as well share it. It's not my best work. Additional warnings for non-happy endings and an overall depressing tone. Oh, and I don't own them.**

If Sam had cancer, he would ask Dean to let him die quietly. He would fight for a while but then he would succumb to the inevitable and the peace of finality would wash over him and he would tell Dean "Let this be the end." Dean would argue. He would yell and curse and tell Sam "Damn it! I am not letting you die!" but Sam would say "yes, you are." Sammy, being the younger brother, would finagle promises out of Dean and without even realizing it Dean would wake up one day and discover that his brother was dying and he had agreed not to stop it. It would be shocking, shocking and devastating and supremely unacceptable.

So that would be their parting. Dean would leave to make his deals and search for his miracles and call out to all the heavenly host be they friend or enemy. Sam would stay in motels with the car and all the cash they had and the pain meds that don't do anything but make him drowsy. Dean would come back every few days, come back to check up on him and have all the same arguments again and Sam would say "don't waste the time we have left, please" and Dean would respond "we have eternity left Sam, cause you're not gonna die." Sam would shake his head sadly and smile and Dean would be angry at his peaceful acceptance of death and they would yell some more. Dean would blame Sam for giving up too early and Sam would blame Dean for holding on too long but in the middle of their yelling match Sam would be caught up in a coughing fit and suddenly they would both remember that they are brothers and that comes first. Dean would help Sam sit down and give him water, speaking rough words while gently handling the only person left that he loves.

So that would be their reunion. Dean wouldn't leave anymore after that, because even though he still wouldn't believe it he would see that Sam doesn't have much longer left and he wouldn't be able to leave even to search for a miracle. And one day not too long after that, he would be standing in a gas station store buying food and he would look down at the price sticker on the loaves of bread and think "my brother is dying" and it would seem so surreal that he would laugh and then have to abruptly leave the store without buying anything. He would drive back to their current motel and sit in the parking lot without getting out of the car and he would wonder how it is that he hasn't cried yet. After a while he would go inside the room and find Sam watching him through the window but neither of them would talk about the fact that he just sat in the car for an hour staring at nothing.

So that would be the beginning of the end. After that, Dean would find himself getting emotional about the smallest random things and Sam would stop being able to visit the bathroom by himself but neither of them would comment on the hoodies Sam would start wearing all the time. Dean would tell stories of their childhood at random moments and Sam would laugh at their boyish antics while thinking to himself that all these stories do is illustrate how lucky he was to have a brother like Dean. He would catch himself immediately, and say they illustrate how lucky he _is_ to have a brother like Dean, but that night he would go outside and sit in the Impala and cry all alone in the darkness. When he came back in, Dean would be pretending to be asleep but Sam would know differently.

So that would be the end of the silence. Dean would start conversations and apologies and try to say all the things he never really had to say before, and Sam would listen dutifully because he is the younger brother. But then Sam would try to say goodbye and Dean would say "don't say it. Please don't say it, Sammy" and Sam would swallow his words. They might cry sometimes, but never together. Sam would throw up everything he ate and Dean would go outside and yell curses at the heavens and one night Sam would ask to see the stars. He wouldn't add "one last time", but Dean would hear it anyway and once they got outside it would be the first time they would both be feeling the same thing – peace. Nostalgia. Sadness. Later that night, Sam would go to sleep and then he would slip into unconsciousness and he wouldn't wake up again. And as he buried the body rather than burning it, Dean would think to himself "he died a natural death, in his sleep. Ha." and it wouldn't make him feel any better.


End file.
